she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
