who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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