Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
