oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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