no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
