There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize