At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
