i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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