D3 body, D1 cock
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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