I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
