i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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