If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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