he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
