I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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