The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
