The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
BRING THE BAGELS
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
