I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
