I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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