I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
