Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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