How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
