census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
