Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
