Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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