who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
