We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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