i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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