I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
