Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
