I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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