My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
