I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
love makes seman taste better
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
