8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
