Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
