bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
