I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
