she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
