when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
