Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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