When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
