Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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