you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
