I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
