Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
