Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
