My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
