You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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