I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
