I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
