I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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