i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize