True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
