This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
