mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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