I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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