I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
