Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
