whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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