I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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