What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
