Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
