I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
