Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
