God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I party with great urgency now.
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