he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
