what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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