i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
