I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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