True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
