Please, let me fuck your mom
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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