Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
