i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
