i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you have to choose: penises or morals?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
