her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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