I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
