I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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