Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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