FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize