I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
