YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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