First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
