3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
