You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
