He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
