How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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