How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
