Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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