she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
