You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
